7/8/2003 10:31:21 AM|||Ellen|||
Okay, I worked thru the ennui a bit and figured out a biggie for me. I haven't been trying to reach out to my "deeper" or "spiritual" side. I've really neglected that part of me and that's why I've been undercover sad.... After a good workout with my Bible in the middle of the night, it gave me some perspective. (Yup, that's 9 me/mine/I's in one paragraph - blogging is sooooo narcissistic)

But it also made me cringe to think that I was gonna put this down for y'all to read. Hence the late blogging. I've had these posts in various states of written/edited/and in my head and didn't wanna post them. But then I didn't feel like I was being real.

Then a couple things have come up, and it was like, how do you deny a part of yourself??? In whatever shape or form it comes in...... I guess being super sensitive to the "new Christian" or born-again aspect of my life has made me not want to share this part of my life. And yet I know it has value. If I can just finish this post .....

The best way that I can summarize is by plagiarizing something I just wrote in an email to my longtime highschool friend Rose (whose baby was born 6/18 at 35 weeks, a month premature - but doing great and almost ready to come home!!) ....

Everyday I am totally awed by how God works. (Soooo weird for me to write that to you.) But really this experience in bedrest and seeing how He works especially with pregnancy and life in general is amazing. I have a friend, Heather, from a bible study who was on modified bedrest with placenta previa who was afraid she wouldn't make it to 40 weeks. She did, but then the baby had a heart problem and had to have surgery at Stanford. Baby Benjamin is home with them now, but throughout the whole thing Heather and her husband had "super faith" you know? I just hope that 1) We don't have anything happen to the baby, but if we do 2) that we can have faith and confidence like you and Dwight and Heather and Michael......

How can you deny the power and presence of God in your life?

Everyday, in so many situations, you find yourself confronted by God's grace, big and small, and to not acknowledge them is like cutting a chunk of your heart out and saying, nah - I don't need that. I've still got the other three-quarters of my heart doing what it's supposed to do. Does it work? Sure.... Do you truly live the life you are meant to live? Hmmmmmm ......... Do you even want to step out there and see if you have heart enough to live that life? Go on, it doesn't hurt, much.

At the very least, people will read your rambles and feel a ping in their heart before they realize you are sitting at home in bed with a big sign above your head that says "Deep Thoughts" and the theme music to Saturday Night Live playing in the background.|||105768548131913625|||THUR 7/3/03 - JACK HANDY