aberrant | undulating | relative

So i was walking down the hallway at work minding my own;
and a co-worker happens upon me (one whom incidentally always has good advice; last nugget was about cheap wines that are good - chuck shaw/trader joes)
and he’s all ” when’s the baby due?”
and i’m all like “nov21st yo”
so we get into childrearing while peeing.
and he says “what do you think the ratio (average) is, in parent/child conversation of positive to negative?”
i say “?”
“1 to 10″ says the shovel to the blind man
he said, “instead of telling them what not to do, tell them what they should do.”
NPIN Virtual Library. The Disapproving Parent

Been wanting to post, but feeling humdrum. Lots of interesting tidbits, maybe I’ll do it later. Lack of sleep is really wrecking my cheery personality and giving poor Bob a hormone challenge to come home to every day.

boo boo for me.

paulie parties plenty
nuff said
k amybe not nuff but some k? picked up paulie las night cause i talked to him on the phone last night at like 5 and he was plastered. talked to him again like 1/2 hour later and he was plastered trying to find a parking space. so i jumped on bart and got picked up by lu in colma. and we searched fer paulie. we found him at rays house good stuffs. couple o pics to chronicle what we were dealing with.

turned all of my whines, into “doing fines”
gomen but ozma still totally rocks weeks later!
didn’t have time to caption all but they are still good
utsukushi

ok so the idea of this is a little twisted but se la vie
cisco started it not me
rudy don’t look!
via
anyway got the tribe anthology this morning “proper”
tightness-

reminds me of midnight drives to sf on 280, floating against the treetops.
racing the fog and losing, mostly cause it lives there.
sliding into south san fran right before nations shut down for the evening,
that quick embrace as she jumps in to the truck.
late night talks about who sucks and why, virtual spitting in their eye - f’em!
falling asleep-by-force majeure, as the night exchanges colors with the dawn-

The died at the hands of the evil scientist alex garcia
R.I.P.

sadness purveys the armijo clan

i realize your not a weakerthans fan.
(who am i talking to i know not) but i signed up for their mailing list not long ago,
and i got this poem in my inbox couple of days ago . . .

Hypothetical

Say you wake up one morning without a language.
Taken away. Stolen by a monster from a childhood
fever for some small slight. You didn’t eat your peas.
You find a pen, begin to draw a day of watching
shadows wander towards the door, of smelling the garbage and touching the furniture, pressing your face to the radiator, walking
with eyes open, eyes closed, living without naming. Unnamed.

Say you wake up one morning without time.
That stoner’s lament, “Dude, it’s just a construct”
You didn’t anticipate that there would be nothing
to say. No “Busy,” and a sympathetic sigh to reply
to the “How are you‚s that line everyday with possibility.
Crowds of helpless mutes stand beside their wrecked
cars at intersections, traffic lights pulse black.

Say you wake up one morning without a body.
You miss your hands like a dead friend.
You play their favourite songs, mourn all their potential,
what they held. Make a Missing poster for your heart
with a description and a photo and your phone number.
Find your ribcage full of topsoil in a garden down the street.
Transplanted yellow flowers peeking out.

Say you wake up one morning without the world.
The world leaves you for another, never returns your calls,
passes you on the street like a stranger. All you can
do is eat potato chips, cry, drink warm vodka from
a jam jar, and watch t.v. The National Geographic specials are
especially cruel. Secrets of the Amazon. Plains of the Serengeti.
And tearing up topographical maps doesn’t make you feel better.

Say you wake up one morning, or be honest,
afternoon, without your constant fear for what you have.
The season is a verb, and a window is open.
The telephone rings to the traffic and birds. The clock
is broken, blinking, you stretch beneath a single white sheet,
and the world looks like it’s about to say something,
but then just shrugs.
. . .

tightest “hypothetical” ever
weakerthans

I’ve been thrown the gaijin glare for so long
by now i take the scorn in stride
got no time for pride that only serves to divide
got no time for miscommunication

i’ve been trying to set this straight for so long
trying to hammer out what’s bent
you trust in my intent
you must be heaven sent
and i’ve been trying to let you know that i love you so

i’ve been trying to find a girl for so long
that tears have often filled my eyes
under azure skies as we said our last goodbyes
i was trying to let you know that i love you so

i love you so
you’ll never know
but i love you so

your name was given to you
out of two hearts something new
it seemed too small when you finally grew
but it was yours; what could you do?

you felt that life was a chore
keeping your boat close to shore
so you set sail seeking fortune and fame and changed your name
but still it remains
tied like an anchor onto your heart
asking you, “why did we ever part?”

hella tight dude

been listening to these a lot lately.
both of the songs are hella sweet soft melodic heart crushers.

peace out on the one!

caller: whatchya doin?
me: you know, laying around (whaddaya think I’m doing?)
me: what’re you doin?
caller: you know, working …..

Hence the reason I don’t call people much. Not that I don’t like to, but most times it doesn’t occur to me as I have no new “stories” to tell. I still have fun, it’s just a lotta small stuff. BTW that’s my rather lame excuse for not calling/writing/emailing you back….

But the nifty thing is right at the point where I think I’m gonna lose it, someone or something comes along and brightens my day. I’ve gotten just-in-time calls from Renee, Piia, and Pia (and lunch to boot - salamat) this week and that’s been suh-weeet.

Here’s the 5′vers, somewhat on timers …..

Random Baby Facts
1. In case you missed it, it’s a boy! See last week’s entry for the ultrasound pics…
2. Double R (Robert Ryan) Armijo weighs almost a whole pound now and is growing toenails
3. My favorite baby in utero word: lanugo - tiny fuzzy hair that babies get all over (like a little ducky), that they eventually shed before birth
4. He kicks like a pro, ’specially in the afternoon around 3 and again right as I’m trying to go to sleep
5. Only 131 days to due date!!

Weirdest things we are selling at our garage sale this weekend:
1. Nick’s (Pia’s son) baby blanket. Oh wait, no she rescued that from the refuse …..
2. Renee’s lost treasures including, but not limited to: mustard colored leather backpack, strangely magenta, fuschia and emerald north face jacket
3. Many pairs of shoes, including blue velvet loafers (I loooooved those) and a pair of still in plastic Ritz Carlton bath slippers
4. A powder blue bikini top with built in everything, NWT, that I bought in the 10th grade. Uhhhh, give it up really
5. A ceramic pelican that my grandmother gave Bob for Christmas…. Cuz he really likes, uh, birds

How to while a way a day on bedrest
1. Watch 2 hours of Dawson’s Creek everyday, every episode of Big Bro 4, and when you are really retarded, read up on Paradise Hotel online, but not actually watch it…
2. Crochet at least two rows every time your hands touch yarn, never mind the strangely uneven sides ….
3. Read at least 3 books at a time, so when one falls underneath the bed, you still have two in backup
4. Wonder for the umpteenth time if the apricots are ripe on the tree, but don’t go out there and check
5. Flip on the Classical Music station, turn on the airconditioning and rock in the recliner. How very grandma….

The dog and I are psychosomatic because
1. I was feeling all droopy and sad, and now so is she. Okay, why did I wipe away tears, TEARS, from her eyes today??
2. Both of us are dehydrated, but it won’t stop me from keeping the air conditioner on for 15 hours a day
3. Her tummy was upset, and now mine it too. Except I think mine has quite a bit to do with our friend dairy…
4. I was rubbing her back this morning and a whole pile of fur came tumbling off her hide. Uh, my hair is fried, and I can’t go out and get it cut
5. Both of us lift our heads and move our paws in welcome when Bobby comes home …

I actually did accomplish some things this week:
1. Put clothes into the nifty set of drawers that Bob assembled last week
2. Found the postage stamps, not that I’m gonna send mail, just nice to know they’re there
3. Finished the real estate book/video. Yawn, went the highlighter. Guess I should actually read the book or something
4. Sent 1 of 16 emails I needed to send to friends. You’re so lucky Jeffy
5. Finished disc 1 of Season 3 Sex in the City, thanks again Piia, this has provided hours and hours and hours of distraction!

Small wins are wins nonetheless. Ahhhhhh, purpose and direction.

so i was quite surprised to find i had no one to go with me to the show i had pre-purchased some time ago, and who walks in to my cube swishing, swaying, smiling, and cooing but rm angel. so i provided her with study materials: ozma cd. after I bailed on work; I jammed to pick up belle at the new vets DR. Rue cool ass doctor. (by the by). then back home.
BELLE is healthy and happy now. (had a regular BM this morn) with a competent and communicative vet it is amazing what progress can be made.

So . . . back to the show we had dinner at nolas it was very nice! then off to the show and we got there right at the start of

the start who describe themselves as a DIY band which i thought noble.
then

Piebald
good very good! kinda like a mix between elvis costello and david byrnes.
RUDY - they are in sac tonight - go buy some earplugs and take val to go see a good rock show
cause when

OZMA came on they rocked hard! they rocked sweet, they rocked in sync; it was by far one of the best live experiences i have had!

Soooo I had to blog cuz Jee is HOH. (BB4 Head of House) And I should admit I gave up Paradise Hotel the minute Big Brother 4 started. There’s no comparision - it’s like eating goverment cheese instead of Kraft All-Milk American Slices.

This show is great, Scott blew his ex-haust and started tossing chairs around (love those electric lemon plastic things - very pre-school) and had to go, Amanda got voted off 9 to 0, and Jee became Head of Household. Yeah baby.

First, props for the Asian Reality TV participants (in the same tradition as Ruthie and that short chick (Melissa?) on MTV’s Real World). And next for the nice guy finishing HOH. My sis-in-law, Beth, has always hated Jun, and after I got over identifying with her (Jun, not Beth) - simply for the long-hair, hot-tools straightening, contact lens wearing Asian that she is, not her connivey personality - I’ve been annoyed at her too. This is great. If I was Jee, I’d put her up alongside Robert. That would be swell. This is good TV.

I woke up the sicky dog LOL when I first realized that the HOH competition final four were all the “ex’s”: Jee, Justin, Michelle and Robert. It’s scenarios like that which makes you think that this stuff is sorta fixed. But then again it is live…. Speaking of Live and apparel, uh Amanda’s breastesses almost came outta her top and then sitting with Julie’s lycra encased boobage in the evicted room was a real treat for someone into that kinda thing.

Here’s my favorite commercial for a pseudo-reality cop tv show (reno 911) on Comedy Central … “Sir, I’m gonna beat you over the head with your own shoe” Ahhhhh, sometimes I am very frightened for the state of television today. Won’t make me stop watching it though.

Yikers, it’s been a while for the posts …. uhhhhh, what’s up?

Le Chein Bellisima (Belle the dog) is in the hospital again. Again! Why is my husband the cutest in the world? Cuz he called Carla, my MIDWIFE, on Monday to get the name of her vet. And at my appt. yesterday, they talked for 10 minutes about Belle, and the Carla called and got us an emergecny appt. at her vets. Bob dashed off to get the dog and come back for me so we could make a 4:30 pm appt. We had to leave Belle at the emergency clinic overnight because she was dehydrated since it had been coming out of both ends since Saturday (as Bob calls it - ass-i-titus). Bob had to chauffer her from the clinic to the vets this morning and then has to pick her up before he’s off to Ozma tonight. Needless to say, the man falls exhausted into bed every night.

During my doctor appt. we did manage to talk about the baby in between discussing Belle’s condition and Carla’s extension collection of Disney watches. She makes me laugh… We’re so lucky to have her. I can’t begin to imagine someone spending non-essential time talking to me at our last HMO, let alone taking the time to call for an appointment for my sicky chihuahua. Carla said she told her vet is was for my emotional health that they squeeze us in at the last minute, she rocks! I feel pretty hopeful that her vet can patch Belle and her bottom up and soon!

As for Baby Boy ‘Mijo, he’s doing kickingly …. it’s a bit amusing and quite a bit alarming when it happens. I always think he’s kicking right into my stitches (ahhghghgh) but my midwife assures me that there’s no way he can do that …. Bend it Like Beckham force or not. Ultrasound was good, all goes well…

I’ve taken up the crochet. Thanks to Bobby’s Aunt Rhonda she taught me the basics via your standard potholder and I’ve embarked on what I thought was going to be a baby blanket but is almost as wide as my queen size bed. Ummmmm, well, now it’s gonna be a full on afghan type thing. Oh criminy, the stitches are ok …. except for the fact that the thing is decidely becoming triangular as my stitches get looser ….. hmmmm. I’ll post a pic one of these days.

Been laying low for the last coupla days, eating leftovers (yay for airtight glad plastic), hanging with my honey and not much else. Today’s big adventure was putting the clothes into the new dresser that Bob picked up with Paulie (and a side visit to the Arroy’s that I just heard about where Bobby was tormenting a sleepy Ava) last weekend from Ikea.

Oh yeah, there’s a block sale here this weekend and my friend Pia (one eye) is hosting my sale as a fundraiser for her Hawaii Marathon in Dec. Bob has graciously said he will help, but is wondering how he’s got the the busy time 8 - 11 am on Saturday…. Told you he was a good guy.

Thump, thump thump from my uterus …. that’s hello to you from the kid …

I had a crazy weekend!
udpate to previous post below for rudy with download link for wmp for mac
well first off got up nice and early sat morn and went to walnut creek
with LU to meet
Rudy and it was cool. i wonder. if it was cool (the mac store or if i just thought it was . . . ?)
then we ran around a lot. sunday me and paulie ran away from my parents house
cause they were warring over whether beth was immoral or not. good question!
my dad was alive with rage, i wasn’t try to feel it. then me and paulie went to IKEA.
It was cool got a chest of drawers - hopen with glass inlay and cherry wood NICE!
then just kicked it and made some spaghetti and watched SATC
took an on line quiz results:

I am terrifyingly evil!

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

wow super jazzed about OZMA tonight not sure how to get tickets
so i hope we can get some . . .
anyway drs appoint tomorrow get to see what the dr says about our extensive ultra last week.!
peace in hiphop, stop the coast wars!

In keeping with the Armijo tradition,
the latest addition to the family line
……………………………………is A BOY!

Bob, Sr., Bobby, Jr. and introducing ….
Robert Ryan
EDD November 21-23, 2003.

Bob’s dad has 3 brothers and each
of their first born children were male.

Very definitely a boy! The ultrasound
pics don’t show it his ‘thingy’ but we saw
it clear as day on the screen.
The tech was like ahhhhh ha! I know what it is.
She was so definite I knew it was gonna be a boy.

As usual, they like to take lots of pics of our
“famous” offspring and required three sets
of ultrasounds. A little scare about the connection of the umbilical cord to the placenta turned out to be a-okay.
But a phone call, and an extra consult later (another scary person) with very serious uh-huhs,
but it was fine, they determined that it was ok.
i’m sleepy now . . . more later . . . .

matrix style ping pong
via
need wmp

anyone having trouble ftping to their own ftp server through the blogger interface?
i keep getting unknown host exception.
UPDATE
they fixed it! YEAH!
holla

TUES, 7/8
Woke up feeling “S’wonderful, s’marvelous” for the first time in a looooong time. You know that perfect moment when you wake up just feeling right with the world. Timing was a little off (4:30 am) but hey, let’s not quibble about the little things.

Ahhhhhghggh, my honey is the best ever ever. Did I mention the sack full of Swedish treats that he brought back from Ikea for me? Could be why I woke up in such a good mood. Two pieces of “Almondy” (I ate Bobby’s) was more sugar than anyone should eat at one sitting. Wait, I have to give you the description on the box:

Sigh. Except for the fact that Carla gave me a little rub about gaining 25 lbs so far …. FYI, you’re only supposed to gain 10, 15 at the most ….. life is good.

MON, 7/7
Today’s Doc appt. was fabulous! My favorite receptionist, Shamona, was back at PAMF. Wechatted up the cutest little girl in the waiting room and my mama came with me and Bobby to the appt. and met Carla, the ultimate midwife. We laughed and laughed and got around to checking the baby, who is doing splendid.

And to celebrate our 20 week milestone, (and cuz my mama was there) Carla let us go out to dinner!! Woo hoo, we ate Korean BBQ at that place that Rudy knows. Simple and good food. Everything was dee-lish. After two bowls of rice and extra broccoli, Bob and Mom rolled me outta there.

Looking forward to Thursday, that’s the big find-out-the-sex-ultrasound day. It’s such a momentous day, I may, MAY, just straighten my hair ……

I’m catching up. These are my Friday thru Sunday thoughts, posted on Wed ….

Fourth of July Five
1. Still getting teary over “Proud to be an American” or any of those kitschy but true all American singy songs
2. Being batted on the head by the flag proudly waving over the Armijo, Sr. casa
3. Realizing we are ever so lucky to still have legal fireworks in Union City. Makes the illegal ones so much easier to set off …
4. Frozen Middle America (Arkansas? Indiana??) Tourists swaddled in boo-boo San Francisco fleece jackets at the Pier to watch fireworks
5. Being happy to be born here, doing what I’m doing, with whom I’m doing it with …

BBQ Highlights
1. Ava jumping with one foot on the Armijo trampoline, Gabe and Ava ever trying to climb the stairs, and Gabe in his tiny Roots hoodie
2. Not trying to clean our house to make it “guest-worthy”, kicking it mad style on the various Armijo, Sr. couches
3. Maria, the neighbor informing us that not only was she having dinner with City Counci members while Boom Man Ramirez (Greg) was setting off illegal firecrackers in the backyard, but that the chief of police was on his way to their house to do a neighborhood walk thru….
4. Chris coming in with Mrs. Dash and being good about what he ate.
5. The boys being boys. Seeing Bob, Chris, Aaron, Greg and Dennis all together. Football, fireworks, and friends. What more can you ask for?

Friend Fiesta
1. Getting a call from Renee. About anything and everything.
2. Knowing that Lu will show up on my doorstep, with witty reality TV show asides ready, and a story to share
3. Having a brother and a sister who are friends in addition to family. And a cousin (PC)and sister in law (well, Beth, of course) who have the best stories ever, good, sad or crazy ….
4. Reading Mel’s blog post about her friend’s kid and the county-fair goat, and calling it kilawin….. LOL, talaga!
5. Knowing that I owe you a call or an email and you like me anyway

Reasons I Love Bob
1. Cuz he rocks. And teaches me, when I have the attention span, about all the new bands he’s rocking out to.
2. He’s a good friend, a great son and an awesome husband. And already a fabulous, talk-to-the-tummy, daddy
3. He finished my entire “so you’re off for a whole week” honey do list, without me nagging. Prolly got it finished Faster since I didn’t nag
4. Knows me, and not just the nice public face me, and loves me anyway
5. Cuz he buys brown sneakers after I bought him all blue shirts (and not from Ebay!), and because he teaches me that it’s ok

Coolest Weekend Visit ever
1. My “work-girlfriends” coming to visit bearing many treats from International Market. Yep, they braved that bastion of Asian spices and various beef organs to bring me much needed fruit, Lactaid, and amazingly enough - the only cartons of yogurt in the entire place with english written on the packaging.
2. For them to feel comfortable enough to cook up a coupla pizzas, pop open a Sierra Nevada or two and for me not to cringe as they stepped on various crumbs in the kitchen or shuffled my dirty dishes - TRUE SIGN OF FRIENDSHIP!
3. Will Ferrell’s Butt. ‘Nuff said.
4. Knowing that your friends don’t forget you when you’re not in your cubie…..
5. Laughing about the last time the deed was done. Susan, Julie and Veronica - you totally rock!

Gollie Gee, wish I wasn’t so sitting on my butt, as I have coolio pics to put up, but ahhhhh well….. After all that deep thinking last week, well you know jelly brain (and butt) is all tired out…

Okay, I worked thru the ennui a bit and figured out a biggie for me. I haven’t been trying to reach out to my “deeper” or “spiritual” side. I’ve really neglected that part of me and that’s why I’ve been undercover sad…. After a good workout with my Bible in the middle of the night, it gave me some perspective. (Yup, that’s 9 me/mine/I’s in one paragraph - blogging is sooooo narcissistic)

But it also made me cringe to think that I was gonna put this down for y’all to read. Hence the late blogging. I’ve had these posts in various states of written/edited/and in my head and didn’t wanna post them. But then I didn’t feel like I was being real.

Then a couple things have come up, and it was like, how do you deny a part of yourself??? In whatever shape or form it comes in…… I guess being super sensitive to the “new Christian” or born-again aspect of my life has made me not want to share this part of my life. And yet I know it has value. If I can just finish this post …..

The best way that I can summarize is by plagiarizing something I just wrote in an email to my longtime highschool friend Rose (whose baby was born 6/18 at 35 weeks, a month premature - but doing great and almost ready to come home!!) ….

Everyday I am totally awed by how God works. (Soooo weird for me to write that to you.) But really this experience in bedrest and seeing how He works especially with pregnancy and life in general is amazing. I have a friend, Heather, from a bible study who was on modified bedrest with placenta previa who was afraid she wouldn’t make it to 40 weeks. She did, but then the baby had a heart problem and had to have surgery at Stanford. Baby Benjamin is home with them now, but throughout the whole thing Heather and her husband had “super faith” you know? I just hope that 1) We don’t have anything happen to the baby, but if we do 2) that we can have faith and confidence like you and Dwight and Heather and Michael……

How can you deny the power and presence of God in your life?

Everyday, in so many situations, you find yourself confronted by God’s grace, big and small, and to not acknowledge them is like cutting a chunk of your heart out and saying, nah - I don’t need that. I’ve still got the other three-quarters of my heart doing what it’s supposed to do. Does it work? Sure…. Do you truly live the life you are meant to live? Hmmmmmm ……… Do you even want to step out there and see if you have heart enough to live that life? Go on, it doesn’t hurt, much.

At the very least, people will read your rambles and feel a ping in their heart before they realize you are sitting at home in bed with a big sign above your head that says “Deep Thoughts” and the theme music to Saturday Night Live playing in the background.

ennui (”�n-’wE) noun : a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction

I’ve had a bit of a block lately (not that you can tell from my useless rambles about TV or eBay) about blogging. This being my platform for self expression, I’ve started a bunch of posts and not completed them and compose things in my head and then decide it’s not worth printing.

So instead of existing in my head and creating all these expectations, thought I’d just finish the posts I have and be done with it.

Something that’s been gnawing in the back of my head is that I’m doing things that I don’t really care about instead of focusing on the things that I do care about …. then again, I’m quite satisfied doing as little as possible. I think I’m just hanging out right now. The good thing is I don’t beat myself up too much about it. Hence the state of ennui. Kinda dis-satisfied, but not enough to do anything about it…….

I think I’m driving Bob insane though. Can’t help it, he’s home all week on vacation from work, dealing with me, laundry, and the great wilderness known as our backyard. One would think that one would be nice. But he is a convenient target, for my erratical mood swings. And I’ve now discovered the ability to cry on command. Whoahhhhh! This is a good one.

Why does it make me happy to drive him nuts? Ai ya …… Hon, if you’re reading this, sorry. And uhhh, there’s still a load in the dryer (LOL)